Motherhood and Woman

 Mama,I miss you!

A post by a working mother sent me Deja Vu.

She had promised her 7yr son that evening they would do some craft activity together. But her office work extended and she came home late.
She tried to compensate her absence by buying a gift for him.Though the child didn't speak anything, but his eyes expressed hurt.....as if asking " Am I not important for you?"

As a busy freelance private practicing Anaesthesiologist, my work did keep me away from home for extended hours.
I did have help from husband, inlaws,parents and caretakers.
They took good care of my both children.
Yet.....my 7yr old came to me one day" Mama,I miss you. I feel it's been days I haven't seen you. "

The guilt of every working woman.

Time spent with loved ones...especially the children when they are vulnerable age.

Inspite of having so many people shower them love and attention.....my little one still missed me.

This post doesn't judge working women.
This post doesn't advise a woman not to pursue her career.....
It's not about Feminist rights and Freedom.

That day,I had mixed feelings.

I was overwhelmed that my children loved me and needed me emotionally inspite of all their physical needs taken care of by so many people. My husband spent more time with the children than me infact.

I was in dilemma.
I didn't want to leave my Anaesthesia practice .I had worked very hard to become a Doctor. MY passion was my professional work.I loved being in Operation Theatre and doing challenging cases.

The tug of war.....which side should I choose?????
What was my priority????
Both needed me as much as I needed them for my existence.

Leaving one would be unfair not only to the other but me too.

What did I choose?????

Well,I reduced my working hours.I took cases only between 9 to 5....when my children went to school.
Occasionally my work did extend.....
I talked to my both children about how important my work was for me and for society. How their mother with her knowledge and skills could save many lives and relieve pain of so many .

Children have more maturity and adaptability.
A Parent needs to communicate with children properly.

The times which weren't Emmergency and someone else could replace me,....I did refuse the cases and went for a swim with my children.

Agreed,I have not been for all moments of my children.
I haven't been a 24×7 hands on Mother for my children.
I have missed some events due to Emmergency cases where I was needed.
But..I  never missed Milestone events.Parent Teacher meetings, Tournaments,Picnics, Excursions,School Gatherings,Annual Days.....Admissions to college,....later when they were in residential college, they had monthly outings with Parent....
I made my children feel they are special and priority by some simple Saturday Brunches...which never got missed through out their childhood.

Small efforts ....bring Big Pleasure to children.
They don't demand more.All they need is Time...from Parent.

If the child feels " Mother's " Time with them is more important.....then I feel a Mother must make adjustments in her professional career.
Feminism doesn't mean a woman keep fighting with a Man to prove superiority.
When it comes to children......please don't start the Ego War.
I may win as a Woman....by asking my Man to devote more time with children.....
But ....if my child feels My Presence more needed in his/ her life......As a MOTHER.....there is nothing wrong if I step back .....for a moment.
Once the child understands about importance of my work for my identity and individuality....with age,child will develop that emotional Maturity to realise that Mother needs to go out to work.....as her work is her passion.

Dear Mother,
There is nothing wrong if you opt to devote you time in nurturing and Caring.
But it would be emotionally satisfying for you if you devote some time for your passion too as your child doesn't need you 24×7.
If your work professionally expects you to be away for Long Duration....do think of stepping back momentarily.....or take a few steps back.
Dear Woman,
Every phase of your life,priorities change.
When Motherhood starts,the initial years of this phase,nurturing and Caring is priority. Child is physically first and emotionally later dependent upon Mother.
Even though there is a Equally contributing Husband and Helping grandparents, caretakers....the child does need Mother emotionally.
The presence of Mother physically is priority in a Woman 's life this phase of Parenting.
In this Tug of War,at this phase of Life....the balance of Priority tilts more towards being a MOTHER to child ...than being a Career Woman.

Then, doesn't a Woman be unjust to her Profession by opting for Motherhood and Family life.

Yes and No.

A woman taking a step back from Professional life is momentary. Once the child grows up and becomes matured to understand, Mother can communicate with the child about significance of her career in her Life.
Trust me.....Children are more mature than adults emotionally.
When the grown up child starts seeing Mother balance her time professionally and family.....respect for Mother increases.

If Woman has to leave her Professional life for nurturing and Caring, then she can utilize her free time in learning something new or pursuing her hobbies...which had taken a backseat during her education and busy career.
My friends and Cousins in Family who left their jobs and professional career to devote their time in nurturing and Caring....found their call while learning a new thing or pursuing their passion in free time. Further, they didn't rejoin their workplace. Instead,they made their Passion a career by starting Business.They converted their Passion into Startups and Cloud Kitchens. Some took to writing...some developed their hobby like singing, painting, gardening, embroidery.

End of the Day,what matters is Happiness and Peace.
Happy Child and Peaceful Mother.

- Dr Tripti Milind Galgali
Anaesthesiologist, Hubli